Emotionless, Till Broken
by Allen Blaster
Summary: For what can one express, when they are broken on the inside? BBxRae


**Sad story time. Update for JL Vs. TB is coming tomorrow. I hope you guys are excited for it! Just… I watched the new Doctor Strange. And then I saw a certain lost episode from a TV show I watched… involving the death of one of my favorite characters… and I had this spark in my mind.**

 **Try to guess the show it comes from… if you can still think clearly after this that is.**

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 **Disclaimer:** _I don't own it. Any of it._

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 **Emotionless, Till Broken**

* * *

Raven had always struggled with control over her emotions. That was a given fact of the nature of her life.

She had been trained since the day she was born to never cry. To never laugh. To never smile. To never frown. To never love. And so many more things that we as people take for granted each day.

Each day, it was the same stoic face. The deadpan expression. That flat lipped stare that seemed to speak volumes about how bored she looked. Even if she herself truly wasn't bored.

Each day it was hours upon hours of meditation. Hours upon hours of fighting her own emoticlones for control. The parts of herself that wanted to show how happy they were, how saddening an event was, how in love with someone they were, etc. She could physically do none of this.

Each day, meant getting through it emotionless. Lest her powers escape, and she destroyed the world. Even the smallest smile equaled destruction, at least in her mind.

And so she stayed, emotionless.

And because of this, she could never truly express herself. Not in the way that we would express ourselves to others. It was always the same face, always the same void voice. The same heartless chuckle, or the same sarcastic response.

Void, and emotionless.

Sometimes, she didn't mind it. Especially when in battle, for her demeanor seemed to always get the best of some villains. Making them do a double take when they saw her bored expression. Other times, it helped to make people uncomfortable around her and make them go away.

She liked it when people stayed away.

But at times… she did mind that she didn't know how to express herself. Like when she found a good cup of tea that she really liked. She didn't know how to let her face relax to show how much she liked it. Or when her teammates got in an argument, and all she could do was raise her monotonous voice. Instead of allow her face to look angry at them, or add some venom into her tone.

She didn't know how to do any of that. For she was always emotionless. Always unchanging to the events going on around her. But regardless, there were so many situations where she wished that she could express herself in some small way. If at least to show the other she wasn't always bored and stoic.

But alas, she really didn't know how to express an emotion, without letting it take control of her. That was what her life was about after all, it was control. So she just couldn't learn how to express herself, without expressing herself.

She was unable to show it in her face. In her body position. In her voice. Almost nothing physical could be done for her to express herself.

And so Raven, the half demoness daughter of Trigon, seemed forever doomed, to remain emotionless.

Raven had thought that she would go her whole life with being unable to express herself. To express her happiness. Her anger. Her sadness. Most of all… my love...

But there are many, many different situations that can break an emotionless exterior. An act of love is one. An act of kindness is another. An act of bravery to melt the heart. Or an argument that gets out of control.

For my story to all of you though, none of these things were to be. For there is one way, that we as a people hope we will never face, yet inevitably comes into our lives. To steal away that which we hold most dear.

For people can be emotionless, but even the emotionless can be broken.

It had been a bank robbery that changed all this for Raven… for me.

* * *

 **Bang!Bang!Bang!Bang!Bang!...**

The bank of Perez was being attacked once again, but not by Doctor Light. Not by the lowly Professor Chang. Not even by the infamous Red X.

It was a group of normal people. Armed with machine guns. Who were only there for the money and not for the fame of taking on the famous Teen Titans.

Too bad that was what ended up happening to them anyways.

One of the would be robbers raised his gun up to fire at Raven again, only to have a table encased in black appear in front of her to take the bullets. After Raven heard the man stop firing in frustration, she threw the table with her powers at the man. He screamed as he got stuck underneath it, his gun going flying somewhere in the distance.

Raven made a check of the man to make sure he was down, and then continued on. Like her teammates around her were doing. Her face was as flat as ever as she took on the lowly criminals in the room.

On her right, Robin back flipped over a robber armed with a knife, causing the guy to miss. His Bo Staff then appeared almost as if from out of nowhere to bean the guy over the head, knocking him out. Robin landed out of his flip to raise his cape in time to block a hail of gunfire.

Cyborg was across from him, using a gadget in his arm to elicit a loud whistling sound at a pair of robbers. This caused them to put their hands over their ears as they screamed in pain. One rocket fist later, and both robbers were down for the count.

On her left, Starfire was in the air. Using her starbolts to take out the weapons some of the robbers were holding. Bullets bounced off her tough skin like marshmallows hitting a soft pillow. This only helped to identify where the next armed robber was in her vision, and allowed her to systematically disarm him with a carefully placed eye beam.

Beast Boy, however, was nowhere in sight. Which meant he was probably behind them, taking out robbers who tried to sneak up on the group. A loud scream later, and Raven knew her logic was right.

Raven herself was in the center of the room. Taking out robber after robber with her black ethereal soul self. While also protecting herself from the rain of bullets all around her by using objects from off the ground as a shield before throwing them. Her soul self could have also been used as a shield itself, but it was exhausting to use it in that way against so many bullets when they were simply dealing with a gang of common criminals.

So she instead used the objects to take the bullets for her. Her thinking being that she would be able to get them all that way. After all, it was only a seemingly normal day for the Titans.

Raven had just seemingly taken out another robber, and had been turning towards the next one. Her magic had encased a pair of crates as she thrust them at the guy. He went down, and Raven had started to move towards her next target.

Yet she didn't see the one she had thought she had taken out lifting up a knife. She didn't see the guy glare in her direction, as he raised said knife.

The knife left his hand, and even though the battle was loud, Raven was able to hear the whistle of the air behind her. Her head turned in slow motion, to see what the sound was. Only for her eyes to slowly widen as she saw the knife flying head over handle through the air towards her. With it only being four feet away.

She tried to bring her powers to bear as a shield. But they were forming to slowly. And the knife in this slow motion event was getting closer and closer. The tip of it looking to go right where her heart was.

And then something green jumped in front of her vision.

 _ **Thunk!**_

And the knife entered his heart instead.

Raven stared in shock, as Beast Boy, the one who saved her, slowly turned around. The handle of the knife sticking out of his chest, as a small wave of red spread from it. Even with that, and the battle going on around them, Beast Boy managed to smile.

And then he collapsed to the ground.

Time went back to normal, and Raven saw nothing but Beast Boy. Heard nothing but his shaky breath, as the knife tore at his heart. The battle went on around her, as her teammates saw what had happened. And were now showing no mercy towards the robbers.

Raven finally moved, as she suddenly fell down at his side and quickly pulled the knife out. Beast Boy let out a wince of pain, but then gently sighed as Raven brought her hands over his chest. Her mission being to stop his internal bleeding with her powers.

Raven's face was expressionless, even as she tried to use her healing powers to save his life. Her blue magic surrounded his chest, and probed deep into his body where his heart was. Only for Raven's own to clench in her chest. As she saw the extent of the damage the knife had done to it. It was a miracle it was still beating as it was.

Yet she tried to heal it, to keep it functioning even as it slowly died from its wounds. Raven's face became covered in sweat as she tried to heal all the damage quickly while keeping it beating. But even though his heart was healing, he was losing too much blood. The floor around her was already red from it. Her hands over his chest were red with it.

And his skin was slowly starting to pale from it. The green skin she had secretly been so fond of. Raven tried to heal it, but there was so much blood everywhere.

Beast Boy coughed a little, and then his hand was gripping hers. Stopping the healing in it's tracks. His heart was repaired, but he was too far gone to be saved now. Raven looked down at his pale green face, even as he tried to speak clearly.

"No, Raven… there isn't enough time." He barely whispered out.

"Beast Boy, let my hand go." Raven said in that same monotonous tone. Even though she wanted to scream at him for being an idiot. But to do that would mean to lose control, and she would never be able to heal him if she lost control.

Beast Boy shook his head weakly. "There's no time Rae… even I can tell that."

"Beast Boy, please let me finish healing you." Raven said again, though she tried to make it sound like she wasn't begging.

Beast Boy only weakly smiled up at her. Even as the battle faded into the background around them.

"Sorry mama. But there are some things that can't be stopped." Beast Boy said, as his eyes took on a more and more far off look.

"Beast Boy, you have to stay with me." Raven said calmly, even as she tried to continue healing him again. Yet his grip on her hand kept her from doing so.

"I'm dying Rae… I thought it would hurt a lot… but oddly, it… tickles."

Raven felt tears pushing at the edges of her eyes. "Beast Boy, Gar, I need you to let me heal you." She said in a cracking tone. A desk nearby was starting to be touched by a black claw as she tried to keep herself under control.

Beast Boy's eyes focused on hers for one second at his name. Before they started to grow distant again. His hand was weakening in hers.

"I can see them… I can see all of them… I'm finally… free." He said, before his head slumped back. And his hand finally released hers.

Raven felt his heart slowing. Almost to the point of no return.

"No! Stop! I'll heal you! I have to! You can't leave me! Please, I'll do anything! I can still heal you Gar! Just stay with me!" Raven yelled down to the dying boy as she tried to heal him again. Her powers flickered over her hands, before they fizzled out. Her emotions were battering too much at her defenses. She just couldn't focus enough to get them to work.

More tears tried to escape her eyes as she strained to get his chest to heal. But it wasn't working, and his heart was slowing… slowing… slowing...

"No! Stop!" Raven yelled as she shook him. "Stop! Stop! Stop!"

The desk next to her finally exploded. And Raven let her emotions finally have the control they wanted.

"STOP!"

* * *

Suddenly, just like it had once before, a black wave of energy came out of her body. Everywhere it touched, time came to a slow and sudden stop.

The bullets traveling through the air around her came to a halt.

Starfire's body froze in the air, a now frozen robber in her strong hands.

Cyborg's sonic cannon was a light with the blue sonic blast coming from it.

While Robin was frozen in mid kick against the robber who had just shot Beast Boy.

Raven looked around her in shock. ' _W-What's happening?'_

Then she looked back down to the green boy she was holding. Who looked to be on the very verge of death. She could still feel the faint beat of his last heartbeat in his chest. He was still savable in this state.

' _I can heal him. I still can. I have all the time I need now.'_ Raven thought as she brought her hands down again to finish her task.

Only to find the blue light that signified her healing powers wasn't working. She tried her other powers, only to find none of them were working either.

"What? Why won't this work! I'm supposed to heal you! Not let you die!" Raven shouted as she tried to bring her powers to bear. Only to find that she couldn't.

"No. No! No! No! No! Azar why can't I heal you!? Why did I have to stop time, when I still can't even heal you!?" Raven said, while she beat the ground in frustration for each no she said.

"Why did I stop time!? When I can't heal you! Why? Why?... WHY?" Raven shouted to the ceiling above her in a voice filled with anger.

She suddenly heard something to her right, and glared up at the noise. Only for her glare to be replaced by a look of shock.

It was Beast Boy… yet it wasn't.

This one was tan colored, with blonde hair and blue eyes. He was dressed in a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt. He looked… normal to say the least. The only thing that made him different than the average person was the green presence that seemed to surround him. A presence that was almost primal in nature.

"Beast Boy… you're… you're…" Raven found herself trying to say. While she looked between him and his body.

Beast Boy smiled gently at her, before he turned around and started to float away. His body passed right through Robin's, as if he wasn't even there.

"Wait, come back Gar! I could still figure out how to heal you!" Raven shouted as she ran after his spirit. Her powers unable to help her float.

His spirit passed through a set of doors, with a stairway behind it leading up, and Raven followed along closely behind him up the stairs. Becoming slightly scared every time she lost track of him as he floated up.

Finally, his soul passed through the doors of the roof, and Raven came bursting out behind him. Breathing heavily after having ran up the flights of stairs. Yet Beast Boy was still calm, even as he looked out over the frozen city.

Drops remained frozen in the air around him, from the rain that had been falling before. A lightning bolt also stood frozen in the sky, making a rather interesting view with its zigzag pattern over the city. Making for a rather picturesque moment, had that been why he came up here.

Raven took some time to breath before she spoke. "Beast Boy, what's going on? Why are you here, when your body is down there? And why do you look so…" Raven trailed off, unsure what to say.

"Normal?" Beast Boy finally spoke. Raven nodded her head.

Beast Boy shrugged. "I believe it might be because this is my soul self Rae. Or my Astral form as you called it. I wasn't born with my powers. So this is what I would have looked like if I had grown up normal."

Raven looked to him, than to the roof beneath her as she tried to keep her face from breaking. "How is your soul self there though, when your body is down there?" She asked.

He looked at her with his sad blue eyes. "I wish I could say it's because of your powers Rae… and it might be because of them that I'm still around… but I'm here, because I can't live in my body anymore. And neither can he."

Raven was briefly confused by his words, when he pointed out the green aura surrounding him. "My Beast Rae. We can't stay in our host body anymore. I know now. He was as much a part of me, as I was to him. So when I died, he did too."

It finally clicked in Raven's mind, as she looked to the green aura, and then to him. The green aura that surrounded his body also seemed to look at her. That primal force was still there, with a tint of sadness in it.

Then something else clicked. "You mean… when this spell stops… you'll… … you'll…"

Beast Boy sadly smiled. "Die. Yes. After you allow time to move forward again, me and the Beast will die and leave the Earth. Though I suspect I won't be here forever if you refuse to unstop time."

The tears from before were suddenly threatening her eyes again. "No. No! I can't let you die! Not after you took that knife for me you freaking idiot!"

Beast Boy sadly shook his head. "As I tried to say to you earlier Rae, you can't stop death."

Raven found herself hyperventilating for the first time in her life. As she tried to put into words how he was wrong. How she could still save him from the brink of death. But the powerless feeling she felt only served to prove how right he was. She couldn't heal him now, even with all the time in the world.

She just couldn't.

Raven felt tears forming in her eyes, as she looked away from him. She couldn't bear to see him, his soul just on the brink of oblivion.

"Why?! Azar why?!" She yelled into the air.

Then she suddenly felt a light, almost feather like touch on her face. She looked up to see him looking at her, tears in his own eyes. His hand was ghosting over her face, unable to truly touch it.

"It's gonna be okay Rae."

She sniffed for the first time in her life. "No! It isn't! I was stupid! And you… you…"

"Were an idiot." He supplied in a joking tone.

Raven glared at him. "Will you stop that! Treating everything like it's a joke!" Raven shouted at him in anger.

Beast Boy sadly chuckled at that. "I'm going to die Rae. Might as well die laughing."

Raven tried to slap him, to knock some sort of sense into him. But her hand passed through seemingly empty air. This only made the tears fall harder from her eyes.

"But I don't want you to die! I don't want you to leave!" She shouted at him.

"Rae."

Raven stopped trying to talk, as it felt like she was being crushed by the weight of the world. She didn't want him to leave… for so many reasons. She felt his hands ghost over her shoulder, and what felt like a furry head rubbing her own. She looked up again to see his hands over her, and his green aura resting against her forehead.

"We don't want to go either. We never did Rae."

Raven sniffled loudly. "Then why are you accepting it? Why are you both accepting it?" She asked in a broken voice.

His small familiar smile settled on his lips. "Because at least we died, knowing you would continue to live."

Raven fell onto her knees, unable to support her weight anymore. Her sobs were uncontrollable. "Why? You had so much to live for in life. While I'm… just a failed portal for a father who didn't even love his own daughter. I should have been the one that took the knife. Not you..."

She sobbed for a little while after that, while getting no response from him. "Raven…"

She suddenly felt it then, not a feather like touch, but an almost solid hand resting on her right shoulder. She looked up to him, to find his spirit was glowing. He was smiling at her still, even though his eyes were sad.

"You might not see it Raven. But you are so much more than what you think. You think of yourself as a lowly demon… when I see you as the mightiest of angels."

Raven stayed silent, her brain shocked at his words. "You think you are unable to be good Rae, you think of yourself as evil. But I have seen the good in you. I have seen it trounce the biggest of evils. And for that, I don't see a demon. I see you. The good you."

Raven gripped his somewhat solid body in a hug, even as more tears fell from her eyes. All he did was hold onto her, as the light around him brightened.

"Heaven is calling Rae. I don't know how much longer I can stay."

Raven looked up into his eyes. "I just wanted you to be okay."

"And I am Rae. Like I said, it barely hurts."

Raven sadly shook her head at that. And she continued to hold him. Raven looked over his shoulder, and saw an odd sight. The lightning bolt was slowly, ever so slowly, starting to move across the sky. And the rain around them was slowly, so slowly, starting to come down.

"The spell is ending." He said.

She timidly nodded, and held onto him tighter. "I want this moment to last forever. I don't want to let you go."

Beast Boy chuckled at that. "You can stretch one moment into a hundred. If only to see the snow fall. But eventually, you have to accept it when the snow melts on the ground Rae. It is inevitable. But it is beautiful while it lasts."

The two held on to each other for a moment longer.

"I love you Gar." She finally admitted. What she had been afraid to admit to for a long while. But now, with him leaving, she couldn't have it bottled in any longer.

"... And I love you Rae." He admitted as well.

The two simply continued to hold onto each other, as their one moment stretched into a thousand. All while the rain fell around slowly around them. And the lightning bolt jagged across the sky.

"The mission... the constant struggle for control… the nightmares…" She heard him whisper into her ear. Before he pulled away to look at her face. He had a genuine smile on it, and for a moment, Raven saw the outline of the Beast appear above his form. Also smiling down at her.

"Don't you see Rae?" Raven looked deep into his blue eyes. Which for a second, appeared green in her vision.

"They're… finally… over." Beast Boy said simply...

Raven blinked.

And when her eyes opened again, he was gone.

Down below, his last breath billowed out of his parted, yet still smiling lips…

And he breathed in no more.

… "No… Garfield… no..." Raven said in a broken voice. The spell on time around her stopped, and the rain came pelting down full force. The lightning bolt disappeared in the sky, to be replaced with a large crack of thunder. Yet Raven registered none of it. All she saw was that face, his face, disappearing in front of her.

Moments later, Starfire, Robin, and Cyborg appeared in a circle around her. How long it had been, she didn't know. But the looks in their eyes seemed to say it all. As all three got on their knees around her and surrounded her with their combined hug.

Raven didn't see them though. Raven didn't hear their comforting words. Raven didn't feel their arms around her.

All she saw was the boy he loved, dead forever.

Raven reared her head skywards. As she and her emoticlones finally became one in their grief. Her white cloak billowed around her in the stormy breeze.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

…

* * *

That day, Raven had lost her love to death.

That day, Raven had finally allowed herself to feel.

And that day, Raven had broke from the strength of the emotions that had flowed through her that day.

Her emotionless shell had cracked open, to reveal the broken girl hidden underneath. A girl who had been emotionless, until broken. She could never retreat into it again. For to retreat into it brought great pain to herself. To deny what she had felt.

Raven… I mean I… had always thought that I would go emotionless. I always thought that I would be forever unable to express myself… emotionless, and void.

 _Looks up to the camera recording her at last_

I am no longer that emotionless girl from before… but I can't say that I like being able to express myself now…

Who would?

"For what can one express, when they are broken on the inside?" Raven asked in a broken voice.

* * *

 **Author's Notes:**

 **...**

…

…

 **I am going to that corner if you all need me. It's the one I have reserved for when I work a tragedy to well… this isn't the first time I've used it… and I think it won't be the last...**

 **Till Next Time…**

 **Allen**

…

…

 **(WAHHHHHHHHHH!)**


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